:staying strong:

This isn't about one person, or one situation.it's just about life.

I've Known People Like You Before.

I am so sick of people turning their backs on my because of what I want out of life.
Are you so scared of your own failure that you resent people for their dreams?
Epspecially because you know I'll succeed.
String together a sentence of tacky words and you've figured me out?
You haven't figured out shit.
I've got my friends. I know who they are... They know who they are.
Don't expect any kind of relationship with me when I've known you for 2 minutes.
And please remember - it's your problem if that upsets you so. Do not label me as mean, self absorbed, or any other falsification that makes you feel better about yourself.
I make a very concious effort to be a good person. But there comes a point when I can't be fake anymore.
Take all your insecurites and shove them.
I'm sick of people like you thinking you know me and trying to bring me down.

I forgive you.


I find myself always in the same situation. I am so judged by the way I look, it's not even funny. I'm sorry if my favorite color isn't pink, and my main topic of conversation isn't Sunday School. I'm sorry I cuss a little, it helps me express myself - it doesn't however define my character.

::Worse Things Could Happen::
I am a good person, I would NEVER dream of ruining somone else to better myself. I don't lie, I don't cheat, I don't steal... and I'll let you in on a secret - I NEVER have.
::Being Strong Does Not Make Me A Bad Person::

Don't judge me by what you might hear about me... The way I act sometimes, It's something fun, a joke with me and my close friends, it's how i'm "known". A lot of the stuff I do and say is simply to get a rise out of people, Number 1. because it's so easy, and Number 2. because I CAN.

It's not ok however when it starts to affect peoples lives.People really need to start getting back to what's real, and what's important.

I have never felt so talked about, so judged, and most of all so defenseless in my life.

In one of these situtations, I care way too much about a person who knows both parties and therefore is sadly involved to put myself first and take matters into my own hands. I guess we'll just have to let it die on it's own.
Wait. I tried that.

"Let It Will Be"
Now I can tell you about success, about fameAbout the rise and the fall of all the stars in the skyDon't it make you smileLet it will beJust let it beWon't you let it be
Now I can tell you about the place I belongYou know it won't last longAnd all those lights they will turn down
Let it will beOh let it beJust let it beWon't you let it be
Now I can see things for what they really areI guess I'm not that farI'm at the point of no returnJust watch me burn

Dont think however, that this is me backing down. That is one thing I do not do.If you threaten me, you will learn the hard way not to.If you put your hands on me. It's O V E R
I respect some people way too much to cause a scene over my namecoming out of your mouth. Don't push it.

Starting 2010 off with a bang!

That part of me left yesterday the heart of me is strong today
No regrets I'm blessed to say the old me dead and gone away

Well... thats the end of that year folks!
Its offically 2010!
And the year couldn't have ended in a better way. I had a blast NYE. Spent it with Lexy, Nora, KoKo, and Question. Anddd got beyond wasted... haha. anybody that knows me knows that's not something I normally partake it... So I must say it was quite a interesting night.
I'll take part of the blame because I decided (not my smartest moment) to try and smoke for the first time ever... biiig mistake. haha. And on top of that, nobody thought to mention that Kill & Vodka = BIG NO NO! I was falling down drunk/high. funny funny funny stuff. I love everybody for taking care of me, especially Question. He was on babysitter mode all night. It was so sweet!
Wack part is, for how drunk I was... I didn't have a hangover =(
Have yet to ever have one of those. haha. but Im not gonna be working on THAT anytime soon. Drinking just isnt really my thing. It was fun but not for me...
Hm...lets go back really fast because I ended my 2009 on a GREAT note. My friend Mel asked me to cohost his internet show "The Mel Finest Show" so I'll be working on that this year! Super fun stuff (Mel.210tv.com-8pm on Wednesday) Okay, back to the present date...lol I forgot what I was talking about. GREAT!
I guess a "look back" on '09 would be the thing to do next, huh?
Nothing really super important happened, I was on chill mode the whole year, kinda stepped very far away from all the clubs and modeling and promotion scene... It just got too dramatic and honestly, too boring.

But 2 very special things did happen...
In March my Julia gave birth to my lil nephew Jordan Alexander Garcia. My little marshmallow! It's crazy...he's so cute!
I hate that she's so very far away, but I understand that right now its about whats best for Jordy BUT I am going to make her move back here soon. Life just isn't the same without my other half of my brain.
We caused so much trouble, but never meant any harm... I love that girl with all my heart and cant wait to eat Jims again with her =)
And the second special thing is... in September, my older brother had a baby girl... My niece Alena Nicole Suarez.
That's one that's just about as weird as Julia, if not more strange... anybody that knows my brother knows that him and children just dont really mix, but I know he's going to be an AMAZING dad, and I cant wait to see her grow up and how he is with her. I know a lot of people dont really understand or "like" my brother but I know EVERYTHING he does he does out of love wanting whats best for those he cares about. I'd do anything to make sure he's safe and happy.
Asides from that, nothing worth mentioning happened... Had the 2nd anniversary of my bestfriends death, and her Birthday... Hardest days ever so far... But then I had a wonderful dream where she told me she was okay and happy where she was and that we dont need to cry and be sad anymore and I feel a lot better about the whole situation. I miss her so much every day, but I know she's at rest and that just makes everything as close to being "okay" as it can be...

Other than that I just stayed outta the clubs and outta trouble which makes me VERY happy. I think once you step away from that situation the world opens in such a way that you can really see what needs to be focused on. I dont just mean in my life... in the community and in the world as well. I fully dedicated this new year to charity work. Imma go hard! haha. Me and Mel have a few things set up already and hopefully everybody pulls together and helps and makes it a success!!

Hm... other than that, this year Imma start working on my album... getting some much needed writing done &hitting the studio. Im super excited! I dont expect it to be anything, its just something I really have always wanted to do, and seeing as how I know so many producers and rappers, might as well make it happen, right! hahah dont judge me!
Im just really in a productive mood, I got bored with everything last year and really just was on chill mode, but fkk that. Im back suckas! haha. Im so excited for everything!!

Nothing can mess this year up, Im gonna make sure of it!!
I have an AMAZING family. Malik, Emjay, Rob, Sef, Jamaal, Luq,
I have WONDERFUL girls around who aren't annoying! Lexy, Julia, Nora, Jamilla, KoKo, CJ, Talia, Alexis
&&some of the best more awesome guys every... but Im not saying names cuz you might try and steal em =)
I love that life is working out just fine and dandy and getting better and better and better.
It can only go up!

xox
~Layla